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Personal Notes on 9/11

Something a little serious today.  I’m sure you can all guess what brought this on.

It was with horrible gut wrenching disbelief that my husband, my daughter and my 7 month pregnant self holed up for a few days in our home 11 years ago today.   Wondering what the world was coming to.   The scope of tragedy of the World Trade Center bombings touched everyone’s lives.

My heart goes out to every one who lost a loved one on that awful day.  My deepest sympathies, and empathy too as I’ve lost loved ones in my life time as well.

I think though, that was the beginning of a journey for me, for my family, to start thinking about the possibility, the eventuality, that we’ve come to rely too much on the governments of our nations.   That we had stopped thinking for ourselves, stop providing for ourselves, and had just followed the herd into the 21st century.

The birth of independent thinking began in me that day.  Nothing tangible, but just a spark of a survival instinct perhaps.  Also, as a Christian, bible verses came back to me about end times.

Over the next few months I was thinking, what are we doing?  We wouldn’t have a clue how to survive if these kinds of things keep happening.  We’re just sitting here either ignoring this fact, or being apathetic, or thinking that the powers that be will take care of us.   We have no skills.  What will our kids do if we die in some pre-apocalyptic event.
And thus begun our sojourn into the survivalist world.  I’ve been everywhere on the spectrum from obsessive to relaxed about learning and trying new things.  I’ve learned canning, one year I didn’t say no to ANYTHING that our neighbours got rid of out of the garden, I canned it all, I didn’t even let myself freeze anything in case of an EMP.   We’ve gone without ALL paper products, yes, all.   We didn’t even buy TP for a long time just to see if it could be done.   I learned to make soap.  I stored food.  And sometimes I did none of it, and let myself feel false guilt for not doing all the things I felt were necessary for survival.  Yes, I think I went a little crazy at times, in a frenzy to protect and teach my family.

I think I’ve come to a good balance now.   I know what I am capable of, I know things are possible that so many people in our westernized society would never dream of, and I can teach these skills to many.   Some things have stuck; I can make bread and yogurt with barely a thought now.   I am no longer scared of my pressure canner and will often get it out to preserve something that makes a handy meal.

I think as I mature, I begin to realize that so many things can be wrapped up in a few words.  Balance, Intentional Living and Relationships.   And as I mature I realize how often I go off course.   But I believe that God sent me on this journey to shake me out of my western apathy.   I don’t want this to become a preach, but more of a share.  Even before 9/11 and my quest for survival knowledge I’ve been far from God and not sure if Jesus even loves me anymore, it’s been a long long desert for me spiritually.   But I feel like this is something that God has given me to show me that I am a part of the Church, even if I can’t sit in a building every Sunday Morning.  I know a lot of my readers are Jesus Follower and a lot of you aren’t.   And I don’t know why I felt that I had to write this today.   It’s a scary thing to stand up and speak honestly about my failings, my utter lack of Christianity (little Christ) and yet to see that through it all there’s been a plan all along and God keeps bringing me back to himself through my own weaknesses and hungers of the flesh like, having control of everything and being too all or nothing, and self induced guilt.   And yet He lets me retain the dignity of things I’ve learned by making them things to teach.




One response to “Personal Notes on 9/11

  1. Louise Holwerda September 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    I hear ya, sister. It’s so good to share these journey stories even though it’s sometimes hard to put on paper or be that real out in the open. And when it gets that bad, I’m coming to live with you!! ♥

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